NFL celebrations are in the news once again, and a few Cleveland Browns players are learning that while the league's guidelines are sometimes murky, you can't pretend to puff-puff-pass a doob in the end zone.
Sorry, I don't make those rules.
The Browns took on the division rival Pittsburgh Steelers this week. In the second quarter, running back Quinshon Judkins found the end zone, and that was reason enough to light up some pretend jazz cigarettes.
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The league, perhaps predictably, didn't dig that one.
It was announced on Saturday that Judkins and QB Deshaun Watson had been fined a cool $14, 397, while guard Austin Barber, who also snuck a hit off of the invisible blunt, had to pony up $6, 944.
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This comes after the league rescinded fines levied against 49 ers fullback Kyle Juszczyk and Cowboys tight end Jake Ferguson for pretending to chug an imaginary drink.
After meeting with the NFLPA , the league decided that drinking celebrations were okay, but obviously, smoking celebrations are still verboten.
Which clears things up a little bit... but I think we need further experimentation.
I think for the sake of understanding these rules, a player needs to score and then celebrate by pretending to sip a glass of scotch while puffing away on an imaginary cigar.
Is that a drinking celebration or a smoking celebration?
Just sounds like a gentleman detective unwinding in his study to me, but how does the NFL see it? Is it a fine? Is it not a fine? Is it a smaller fine because the drinking dilutes the smoking?
Does it matter that they're just pretending to smoke something that doesn't have the "Reefer Madness" element to it?
Fans and players need clarification on the nuances of smoking and drinking celebrations, and as far as I can tell, this is the only way to find out.
... Well, I guess someone could just ask, but my way is more fun.